Saengil Chukha Hamneda

Yesterday, was a close friend’s birthday and the plan of surprising her didn’t push through because of some unexpected events. Talagang unexpected events daw oh. BUt hopefully tomorrow, we could be able to surprise her since birthday is the most special day of one’s life.

Anyway, I really want to make this long, but I still have many things to do, so I’ll just be back if I more time to write about what makes me happy the past few days.:)

Maramot

I am trapped into my own world as I start engaging myself in doing what I am doing. I don’t care what is happening to the surrounding. I don’t even mind if someone needs help, as long as I am trapped into my own, selfish world. I let no one distract me.

Kim Bum

 It’s already 9:20 in the morning and I still do not have a plan of retiring and go to bed. I still have work in less than 8 hours. I am creating this in a hurry.

 I am so proud to announce that I am going gaga over this cute guy from the BOF phenomenon in Korea. I must say thatg he really, really captured my heart because of the killer smile he got. I have to admit that I love all of them, but Kim Bum would be the greatest. Hehehe. 

This is my most favorite picture all the time.

Before I end this post, I just wanted to share that I feel so happy talking with a previous local chocolate. I am running of methapor to use, instead, I use a hyperbole. It’s been weeks since we last talk, after so many years of not talking to each other. My birthday had passed and he havben’t greeted me. Too bad, but no, I am do not have any hard feelings.

It’s just that I feel so much better everytime we have a small talk. I am really looking forward to meet him again someday.

About taking away my own life. . .

With nothing so much to write about, I made an indefinite leave from my page. It just that I have to reorganize my thoughts and do soul searching for the past one a half month that I didn’t recorded what has happened. I just felt that I need to go back to this habit again.

 I was thinking that I will make this lengthy and write about anything I want to write about but I know that it could not be possible since I need to catch sleep for I have a work later. Maybe I’ll just do an outline of what had happened and came back to write more details about it.

For the past few weeks, my ‘idol’ got married secretly, I celebrated my 27th birthday and one night, when I was so depressed, I thought that I should end my life by jumping out of the window of my room. Maybe I’ll just elaborate the latter to make this entry lengthy to read.

I just got home from work, it was almost 2:00 in the morning. I cannot remember if I was feeling unhappy with what happened on that day or yesterday. I am sure, this was not the first time I felt it. It is most stressing compared to what I felt before my birthday when I was worrying to much of the bills and expenses I have to shoulder at home.

I can’t sleep. I was justm staring at the ceiling. The lights are off. Then I stand up from lying on my bed and look outside my window. I was thinking a lot. About what future has for me. If I could still get married and have offsprings. If I could still go outside of the country. If I could grow old or die young. Then I cried hard, supressing any sound that would like to come out from my mout, afraid that someone might hear me.

Then it suddenly flash in my mind about all the people I’ve read that commited suicide from Korea. Most of them are in the industry of showbusiness. I am still in wonder how they could take away their precious life on their own hands and didn’t let life take it’s course. I admired them though for the brave act, but it’s not noble to take away your life. It’s a great loss to your family. I was thinking that if I die, would my friends and family cry hard for me or they would just cry a little? Do they love me that much or a little? I was thinking of jumping out from the window would answer my question, but I was thinking that I don’t want to do it on a hard way by feeling any pain. I thought of drinking all the liquids I have on my shelves - acetone, alcohol, perfume, liniment oil, facial cleanser would definitely make it easier for me to detoriate. Maybe, if I just shut off my eyes and fall to sleep, I would not wake up again. That would be easy.

I was now crying a lot. I just cried and cried until I forgot everything I was thinking and doze off to sleep.

When I woke up and remember what happened last night, I thought I was crazy. I really hope that depression would not happen to me again because it just makes me sad.

When I wake up and remember what happened, I thought that iut

Addiction

I know it’s bad, but I can’t help it but to tolerate my growing addiction. 

 The weather is blazing hot in the morning, but a little cold in the evening. My plan was to trim myself even just a little bit since it’s the best way to lose way. I started limiting my food intakr znd start jogging around the park, but how pathetic I could get that I can’t missed going online for my growing addiction. It ends that I’m always infront of the computer, seated for hours.

One was the application in Facebook called Farm Town. You plant, harvest the crops plus grow trees and add some farm animals while decorating it with different stuffs you can find in a good, ol’ farm. It’s so addicting is that it’s makes you want to earn more to grow more your farm. If I could only stay in front of the computer 24X7, I will, just for the sake.

I started watching movies and series online since it’s accessible. No need to be infront of the television set. 

Since I am at work in the evening, I tend to miss SNN.  I am a confessed showbuzzer and it’s my only favorite, updated show in the evening. I sometimes cannot stand watch long running series, but if it’s interesting, why not. For the past several days, I only keep myself updated online. Thanks for some kind hearted people who always find a way on uploading those must-see programs by people like me. It’s just a click away if I miss it.

I found a website that must be hitting a fortune from me since I tend to go each time I want to watch an ABS-CBN program. From series, to movies and even concerts are uploaded and updated everyday. I have watched A Very Special Love a while ago which do not cost me to buy a copy, unlike why I always do. I am lazy to download things and I rather wait for it to load online because I have long patience with it. It’s really a warmth feel movie.

My niece has a game application on this computer which got me addictive too entitled Little Treasure Shop. The instructions would require you to find the things that is being describe on a messy shop with a limited time. It’s like a mind game as well as I tend to identify and find for some of the familiar and not-so familiar things I encounter.  From scarpbooks things, to food, electronic gadgets, to carpenter tools. It’s also my first time to encounter some of the weirded things which I never thougt would exist.

Lastly, the TV series Hana Yori Dango/Boys Before Flowers. My sister is so hooked and me as well as I’ve watched one episode from the KBS Channel. Thanks to http://www.dapeke.com for posting the complete episode. I just simply click the link away and indulge myself away in watching it.

The other day, I learned that I have this attitude to tend to over analyze things that’s going on around me. I presume and I assume and made plans in impulse that when it’s over, I just simply nod if off and try to forget it happen. I think I am weird, thinking that way. What’s the weirdest about it is that I cry a lot, which is not the usual me. Sometimes, I think I am on the borderline of a disease they called bipolar.

Ang Weird Ko

With just a simple gesture or appreciation, a negative mood can turn into a vibrant one.

 I’ve been stressing with a lot of  things since the past few weeks and all I want to do is not to think about it. Things which could not really be issues are coming almost at the same time and they are getting worse and worse everyday.

I have so many things that I need to do but could not because of certain limitations. I take one at time, the first that needs to be deal with and leave the other which are less prioritize.

My sister is planning to enroll summer classes since it’s a priority to there school which I’ll shoulder and is equivalent to one semester fee. It’s so hard since I’ve been planning to spend my earnings to fix my computer and buy a new cellphone for myself, plus I’ll go out for a vacation with my friends. I’ve been planning to go to a trip to Davao, but I’ve been putting it on hold since I need to pay attention to what I should need to deal with.

My mother will undergo an eye surgery as soon as possible. Eveything has been taking care except for the lens that needs to be surgically implanted to her eyes. We would not pay any medical fees, but only for the lenses which cost not really that much, but would be impossible for me to save since I shoulder my sister school expenses.

I know that money problems are just every day problems that one person regularly deals with. For the past few days, I’ve been contemplating on how I am as a person in terms of skills and achievement. I am no achiever, I nothing to brag about in terms of my skills. I rather spend most of my time slacking than do what needs to be done. I reached this age without taking my life seriously but not leaving my responsibilities. This age should be the time for settling down, be serious and think things over, but I think I am still immature for that.

I am almost close to being despair but will take things normally. Just a simple appreciation with what I do would mean a lot to me. I realize that I am that kind of person when simple favors are done for me. Three of them happen today.

I came to the office 5 minutes before my shift when I suddenly realize that I forgot my ID. I cannot go inside and the receptionist at the front desk was no big help. I went home to get it and go back to office again. I was really touched that my sister follow my instructions to meet me downstairs to give to me my ID.

The second was when I was commended for my expertise with my work. I know that I am not that good in work that much, but I surely felt proud when it was acknowledge. I am more positive with my work now and look forward on how could I do better.

The last but definitely the most remarkable is that I was able to talk to talk to the person whom I considered being precious to my life. He’s still far away, in Germany and we talk about on when he was going home. That really made me jump for joy. 

Earth Hour

Anti-global warming advocates announced a few weeks ago that if we love our planet, let’s vote for an anti-climate change. How? By turning of our lights for one hour starting 8:30 pm on Saturday, 28. 

We participate on this worldwide event as we turn off only our fluorescent bulbs at exactly one hour. Sad to say, some do not care on this little effort of turning off the lights or they are just simply not aware.

This is the overview of our area. Some are still lit up though there’s an almost darkness in the street. Even fastfoods nearby turn off their lights to participate on the event.

Lights are not turn off on our street. I love those lights as it gives a warm feeling when eveytime I pass by on it. I still look forward of shooting a scene using that light.

Prevention is better than cure

I went out tonight  to chill with my fries because  I terribly missed them that much. We hang out about two weeks ago and we need a lot of catching up to do. Sadly, only four of us was able to make it. We filled our hungry tummies with lots of carbo, then chill out outside of the diner after.

We  are discussing some random things and one of ] them is about how the disease cancer acquired. It is a traitor because no one will ever know they have until they show symptoms or if it’s been detected through regular check ups which most of us do not do. As one of us discussed, it can start on one normal thing you do everyday like inhaling strong scents can cause leukemia.  A patient was diagnosed and when autopsied, found out that it was caused by three things : inhaler, insecticide sprayer and perfume. Things you normally do such as smelling your perfume you sprit all over your body can cause the disease to from on your blood. 

I must admit I feel a bit scared when it was disclosed to me that women who are not sexually active and reach the age of 30, are prone to cervical cancer. Inactivity in the reproductive system causes it to become stagnant and is on high risk of getting certain diseases. I was really careful of not having myself engage into an active sexual life because of the fear that I may get sexually transmitted diseases. How can it be so ironic?

Life is really too short. You can live today not knowing it is your final day.

Insane

I’m still a bit shocked about the story of a daughter who was locked by her father inside a dungeon for 24 years and fathered her 7 children. Honestly, I’m a so much hooked on those kind of tragic stories that I somehow feel that I was the woman on the tragic story. I cannot sleep yesterday, not because I am so disturbed as the story unfolds after I read and watched all the clips and videos I could, but because I ate a lot and I am so full that if I sleep, I am going to have a nightmare.

 I just came from my weekly novena that’s why I am still up. I accompanied my best friend to his alma mater for the need to buy some school stuffs for their office affair later. To lighten up my some what gloomy mood, I bought a movie which I could watch on weekend. I am so excited to have my off, and oh, I am so excited with my new schedule. I think of it as a new life for me and I don’t know on how long if I could cope with it. 

 Goodluck.  o*_*o

Unprofessional

I contacted the Chat Support of this website to enlightened me on how do I manage mine. I got simple, straight questions that can be only answered by a a sentence or two, but dissapointing to say that the representative I chance to chat with left the session after keep me waiting for 3 minutes. I hope on whoever that rep is, will read this that you could be at least professional in finishing the conversation. 

I tried to open a window again, but it refers me to contact the Email Support which would take time in responding my Q. Hayyyy, I’m just so tired, I want to rest and I don’t want to get mad.

*o*

XXX

So I would like to rant about how I am getting bigger and bigger each day. I am not that really concious with my weight or figure, but the fact that my pants are getting to tight for me and I can’t breathe properly is telling me that I had to do something with this big tummy. My blouses and shirt are big and I don’t usually care if my bulges are showing, but if they are getting too tight, this means that, “Hey, this is something else”.

Something must be done and I should act now.